[E–pub/Kindle] (Tall, Dark Lonely) author R.L. Mathewson
35 starsRe read via audibleI
read this book ago and remember liking it Upon this re read I still this book awhile ago and remember it Upon this re read I still it overall but it definately was not perfect I enjoyed the MCs although the heroine did get annoying at times and the Hero could be too high handed and felt I had it at 3 stars and as I ept on reading it but it just Basic Anatomy and Physiology of the Human Body kept on getting and senseless until it hits its absolut low There is something about a virgin turned nympho She is also sooo modest it s almost patronizing To fix that the author gives you a list of ridiculous things that really make this angel less than perfect Except that list is composed of things like cheating while playing candyland rolling my eyes hereThe male swoops in on a metaphorical white horse ie check book in modern days to fix all her problems Ta da it s short for ta da ta da da Also he s in celibacy for like a hundred years and she giggles because it s so special and he s been waiting for her all his life and now everything is exceptional and better than ever He also has a serious problem with sub psychotic rage episodes but it s all cool because the ex virgin will solve that with some sexy time He also loves her so much he is willing toill her She might hate him for it but she doesn t because hey he did it for love right How romantic He doesn t ask her about it becasue it s not her business if she wants to take the risk or not It s not like it concerns her Strait jacket anyone They adopt Soins naturels pour les cheveux kids like people take in stray cats There is a lot of spatial inconsistencies Perhaps the author doesn tnow that the nape is in the back of a person s neck So if you are standing in the front there is no way of reaching it with your mouth unless you re a fucking giraffe The reader gets sentances like Candy snapped with the nowledge that she lost whatever control she had over Madison was gone Did anyone even read this book before publishing This is one exaple how this author wants to emphasize something in a incorrect sentance and abuses redundancy Not to mention that most of the book is dialog and when it s not this is the shit you getI see people say the sex is so amazing and not for anyone s delicate sensibilities I thought it was just tedious and absurd The story lacks tension and is built around the sex instead of incorporating it in an actual plot I also hate that she has to tell the readers what everyone is feeling and thinking removing any possible suspense and uncertainty For example we find out that the male protagonist while being mistreated at the beginning of the book torture experiments etc lost any will to fight He basically doesn t care And if you didn t get that you should have because the author tells you that he doesn t care about 15 times Just in case you missed the first 5 I m not stupid
AND HATE WHEN I M BEING TREATED LIKE AN hate when I m being treated like an 3 is my absolute limit and this one is really pushing it All in all by the end of the book I was banging my head against the desk Because that is where all the stupid piles up Madison s reaction to her lovers forced feeding and involuntary transformation I will ick your ass Justifiable right Grandma putting her foot down and telling the raging lunatic to marry her granddaughter I really enjoyed the part when she says you ve forced my hand YeahListen Lady First of all he owns you You came as a package deal with the house Secondly the role of a Control Freak is already taken Male Protagonist saying that he will drag her to the JP before she changes her mind After all I read I wouldn t expect him to ask Gradma also offers to guard the door Yes I now it s a joke but believe me by this point it s not funny And check this sentence out The fetus inside her womb somehow filtered her blood and turned her Like totally cool There is of she looked beautiful never smelled greater than whatever The conversation and events that follow transformation The chick has her life altered against her will and without asking but that s ok because she looks cool So Little Miss sunshine starts throwing things like socks Very mature approach Isn t it good she doesn t behave like her 15 year old sister Then she gets informed that he didn t ask because he panicked Two hundred year old whatever he is panicked You d think that after the life story he had panic is unlikely but then again he never had any self control and did what he wants against whatever anyone has to say so it s pretty much in character There is threat and force I d have a hundred Sentinels here to hold you down while we took it out of you comes from some guy that no one asked for opinion Because apparently woman This is an alternate cover edition for ASIN B004GNFNRMWhen the mother that abandoned them years ago suddenly shows up and moves them to New Hampshire Madison has no choice but to go or lose her family Shoving her dreams aside yet again she tries to make a life for her siblings only to discover that nothing is going the way that it should It's really cold Her fifteen year old sister acts like a hooker in training Men act funny around her Her boss is a real jerk She feels like an outsider Her best friend turns out to be a mouthy sixteen.
R.L. Mathewson Ø 6 CharactersT him while she retreated away from him Get back He ducked
Out Of The Wayof the way Or what You ll throw butter at me he teased Wow Can I get contacts too Joshua asked excitedly That is so cool Maybe later little man Chris tried to play it off Oh fangs too Cool Oh no she mumbled wincing at her brother s excited expression Off to bed at 830am after my all nighter I loved it A light paranormal with a heavy dose of smexings what not to love right Ephraim just about melted me to puddles He was such a sweet sweet Pyte Pytes are like vampires they drink blood but they can walk in the daylight unlike the vampires So I would say that every vampire wanna be just like Ephraim I will definitely check out his son s Chris book next I felt all inds of wrong for crushing on Chris He was just sixteen here but he was very hilarious and I hope he will be a bit older in his book YA story is definitely NOT my cuppa Clich Warning This book will make you suirm laugh vomit gasp swoon and bang your head on hard objects35 stars A campy nutty off the wall blood lite vampire romance not recommended for the serious PNR lovers or those with delicate sensibilities I almost DNFd this one a half dozen times but something about Ephraim and the weirdness of the story Winning Ways For Your Mathematical Plays Volume 2 Games in Particular kept me reading It was full of absurd plotting a motley crew of nutty characters all mixed with some off the wall world building WTFery on nearly every page At times it was so disturbingly weird and not always in a funny ha haind of way but I found myself fascinated all the same so I couldn t stop reading it Parts of it were hilarious and other parts were hot but the vast majority of it was just Nah didn t enjoy this oneThe heroine was such an inconsistent character She started out so strong and likeable but that didn t last long In the end I was just annoyed by her immaturity and stubbornnessI liked the hero throughout most of the book until he view spoiler forcefully made her a vampirePyte because he panicked Really In a totally safe situation And her reaction I hate you jerk I ll ick your ass jerk and throwing socks at him Alrighty hide spoiler Loved every page of this book and didn t want it to end I am so happy I decided to read a paranormal romance It has gotten me back on the horse again RL Mattewson is an excellent author and I would recommend this book as well as her others to everyone Where do I begin I really enjoyed the first part of the novel I could identify with the heroine young woman abandoned by her mother has to take care of her younger siblings while mom is screwing around The whole family ends up moving in with the grandmother who runs a boarding house The young heroine Madison is determined not to be anything like her mother She s hard working chaste and has a hard time trustingThings uickly go off the rails as far as plot and character Madison degenerates from a strong woman to a an indecisive irrational mess I understand that she s supposed to have commitment issues but this is pushing believabilitySpeaking of believability who does our strong level headed heroine fall in love with Why a controlling dismissive irrational vampire like creature that lives next door of course Who wouldn t love a man that single handedly decides what s best for all involved Throw in a few angsty paragraphs about how he now owns Madison and we re just chugging right alongSo our virgin heroine decides she s going to get frisky with Control Freak next door One problem he ll lose his shit when they have sex because that will tear her hymen cause her to bleed and he ll have to suck her blood The only logical thing to do at this point is get a sex toy crouch in the bathtub and break her own hymen Ephraim surprises her in the middle of all this she slips and falls and causes damage to herself They discover later she has a super hymen that is too thick to break and reuires a doctorLet s just pause here a moment There is so much wrong with this little scene First a woman s hymen is barely inside the vagina She doesn t need to use a sex toy and go digging
gold to find it the author has to make sure you understand that Madison is different from her floozy of a mother in every way and what says not a slut better than a super thick hymenThe crazy train eeps rolling they screw like bunnies at every chance pick up a few stray children and add a few supernatural beings We ve had two plot shifts so far we started out concentrated on Madison and her relationship with the family and now we ve tossed the family to the periphery so Madison and Ephraim can get busyThe plot changes again Out of nowh. At her grandchildren were moving in he didn't expect much well other than to be left alone What he didn't expect was to have to fight bloodlust every time he so much as caught the scent of his delectable neighbor's blood or her bombarding him with uestions every time she cornered him If that's not bad enough a Master from his past has found him once again and is demanding his blood and is willing to do anything to get it even using the beautiful irritating neighbor that makes him feel than pain for the first time in centuries to get An t decide on their own And of course let s not forget it s all in good faith cause our hero wants to Kamarja e turpit keep Madison forever That is why henocked her up Simon says Jerry Springer PNR Style Ephraim goes into another episode of rage and everyone backs down becasue well their a bunch of pussies So they leave a pregnant woman with a control volitile maniac Then they bicker like little children throw pillows do some dirty talk and make up Ahhhh love We also get lost of I hate you s from our strong female that turned apparently 13 I ended it on the point when our raging control freak announces marriage without accually asking the bride and she forgives him all becasue taking one decision away is exactly the ind of appology she was looking for You also get a bunch of add ons that have no place and use such as the protagonist talking about someone eating her chocolate while her and her hubby argue Some people will ask why I didn t put Spoiler Alert Simple ThereFor Gold To Find It
is nothing to spoil See for something to spoil it would havenothing to spoil See for something to spoil it would have be good or mildly digestible This is not Whoever thought this dude is great and this book is terrific is either a teenage girl or needs a psychologist You have some serious self esteem issuesI did like Chris The dialog was funny I must say I can almost bet the next book will be on how he finds his eternal mate Rolling my eyes againIn summary I hated this book so much I was not able to finish the last 15 pages With every sentance I wanted to put the book on the floor piss on it and then burn it It s time to give up this isn t going to get any better and even if it did I m so over the female mc Someone said this was like sexed up Twilight and it sorta is but Twilight did it better That s right I said Twilight did it better Twilight didn t annoy me and there was the excuse of it being a high school setting Why I m icking this book to the curb the female mc It s all her fault She is one contrary and whinging bitch Yeah it sucks her mom is an irresponsible whore fact and Madison female mc has had to raise her young siblings but she won t allow anyone to help her She s going for that martyr Girl Scout badge She already has the contrary bitch hypocrite whinging wonder and TSTL badges Madison has this hottie neighbor who s a vampire and is all Edward Cullen your scent arouses my bloodlust You re my blood song nonsense going on for her He s super nice to her and a model gentleman courting her But she pushes him away constantly and acts like a giant brat all the while bemoaning everything How does he stand her Ephraim the male mc with the super unsexy name is a broody vampire that lives in Madison s grandmother s boardinghouse Once he decides to court Madison he pulls out all the stops and puts up with her chatter Each time he helps her she flips out and throws a shit storm tantrum ungrateful wretch His vampire ness is that of a day walker but his eyes go red when he vamps out He also goes into these bloodlust berserker modes where he s ind of
Comatose I Found This Vampire Mythos ToI found this vampire mythos to boring The only mildly interesting parts of this book were the steamy times of which there are only two not enough to distract me from the rest of this boring book Also the reason it s 2 stars instead of 1 Definitely not reading anything else in this series These vamps are lame Ephraim should leave being a day walker to Blade he does it best and with a sword PS For Sarah s peace of mind I would murder all these characters by sealing all the exits and pumping nitrogen in through the vents or maybe go WWI old school and use chlorine gas They re too boring for a bloody end they get asphyxiation First things first I LOVE CHRIS Like seriously fuck me boy Pulled an all nighter for this so damn worth it DTHE BOOK WAS AH MAZING If you haven t read it yet please do so asapThe humor the story the drama and the sex everything was EPIC Ok So here goesBest prologue I ve ever read Appart from Walking DisasterHahaha I find it absolutely adorable how Ephraim burps after he feeds on excessive blood PLoved him to bits and bits Such a sweet man fuck I loved Madison character Absolutely brilliantly writtenChris I loveeeeeeeeeeed him Best best friend and son one could ever want Joshua Ah my little man LOVED HIM MOREJill Bitch glad there wasn t much about her or I would have been seriously pissedCandy You bitch I d burn alive and then pour wax on you after that Whore What did he mean by when she was his Did he expect her to become his cow LMFAO You stupid chick She found the roll basket and picked it up uickly hugging it to her chest She began throwing rolls Year old id and the incredibly handsome guy renting the room adjoining hers not only hogs the bathroom taking three showers a day and leaving her with cold water but he also has a secret A secret that she becomes a bit obsessed with and can't let go no matter how many times she's warned offDetective Ephraim Williams learned long ago not to show any emotion or allow himself to get attached to humans What was the point They came and went and he remained This time wouldn't be any different or so he thought When his landlady told him th.