EBOOK/PDF Consent A Memoir of Unwanted Attention


Thanks to Netgalley and Little Brown Company for a digital alley in exchange for an honest review This is the type of non fiction that can be really difficult to rate The author Donna Freitas is detailing the lengthy pursuit of a stalker during her Rescuing Gus grad school time at Georgetown University This happened in the 90 s and as Donna takes us through the increasingly difficult situation that she lived in it becomes increasingly clear how far her pursuer willo It s Donna s story and she s walking in her truth and I know that it couldn t have been easy to have it published for a bunch of strangers to read I applaud her for this Truthfully that s why it s difficult for me to rubber stamp it with a 3 star But iven the difficult topic it s not one that I would easily recommend to just anyoneGoodreads review published 190719Publication Date 130819 Consent is a brilliantly rendered memoir authored by a woman Donna Freitas who dreamed of being a professor Unfortunately she encountered a huge hurdle to realizing her dreams when a professor a priest no less became obsessed with her Let s just say that the most compelling part of this book is the complete candor with which it is written but that is closely followed by the beautiful use of language Parts of the story are poetically rendered others have of an academic cast and some parts are simply deeply personal What makes this book so fascinating is that Donna tells her story in such vivid detail including her innermost thoughts and her tremendous self doubt It does help the reader to understand how a situation can start innocuously enough but then by the time the victim realizes what is happening she no longer feels empowered to stop it Her view of herself in hindsight is so interesting She never really is able to reconcile her image of herself as an attractive person in control of her sexuality filled with passion for a life of the mind with a person who was victimized but when I read about her family background and her propensity for leaning so hard into her studies building very close relationships with her teachers from a young age I do see some red flags Unfortunately she managed to come into contact with a predator who with little than psychological manipulation invaded her life She shows how it happened through her uniue lens and the reader experiences the horror of it She asks why me and then I personally think some readers will see the answer yet she remains unsure Sadly the ending is not as satisfying as one hopes for throughout but it is instructive There was a lot I would have liked to discuss about this book so I think it would be extremely ood for book clubs I walked away with uestions than before I read her account All in all I found the author to be extremely brave to tackle this topic the way that she did for the world to read Five stars all the way NetGalley While not a fun read this book "IS INCREDIBLY POWERFUL THE AUTHOR FINDS "incredibly powerful The author finds voice to speak her truth including the self doubt that comes from long term Portrait of a Starter: An Unhidden Story gaslighting Absolutely incredible Many thanks to Little Brown for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review Goodreads Blog Pinterest LinkedIn YouTube Instagram Read this review and others on my blog A Memoir of Unwanted Attention by Donna Freitas is Donna s account of the stalking and unwanted attention she faced as araduate in collegeDonna is "A Well Published Author A Scholar And "well published author a scholar and in her field of sex religion and consent on college campuses She s a sought after speaker and thrives in academiaDonna is a doctor a daughter and a friend But she s also a victimAs a college How the West Was Lost: Fifty Years of Economic Folly--and the Stark Choices Ahead graduate one of her professors at her Catholic university a priest started taking an inappropriate interest in her While his attentions weren t blatantly sexual they were incessant and unwanted This priest would call Donna follow Donna and fill her mailboxes with lettersSince he was in a position of power Donna struggled with how to handle her stalker He was everywhere She couldn tet away from himConsent is an in depth examination of Donna s nightmarish years as a doctoral candidate being stalked by her professorConsent by Donna Freitas was a fascinating read While it didn t blow me away I enjoyed itIt s so easy to think of harassment as black and white Is sending a few letters and making a few phone calls really harassment Donna does a wonderful job exploring consent and what that really means Donna didn t consent to her professor s attentions She was an unwilling participant who was subjected to her professor s repeated and unwanted affection And her professor was positively relentless in his uest to commandeer Donna s timeUnwanted attention is not consent and this is not okay Stalking is very real and can be just as damaging as other forms of harassmentWhile Donna s life and hardships were interesting a lot of the book was redundant Consent could have been a lot shorter and enjoyable without the needless repetitionIf you enjoy memoirs you might enjoy Consent by Donna FreitasThank you to NetGalley for providing the Kindle version of this book in exchange for an honest review He wouldn t let up page 140 the start of chapter 11At the risk of sounding like virtue signaling Consent is the. In this compelling and disturbing true story Rebecca Traister a young woman's toxic mentor develops a dark stalking obsession that disrupts her career and her peace of mindDonna Freitas has lived two lives In one life she is a well published author and respected scholar who has traveled around the country speaking about Title IX consent religion and sex on college campuses In the other she is a victim a woman who suffered and suffers still because she was stalked by her raduate. Consent A Memoir of Unwanted AttentionEr life dealing with the unwanted affections of a stalker especially when it has been something that you experienced yourself is deeply troubling and difficult to read And it unveils a rather disconcerting truth that many of us are aware of but have not consistently fought until recently It breaks my heart to know how prevalent it has been for men to take advantage of women in this society particularly those men in power Consent was a troubling account dark and uncomfortable to read It was thoroughly brave for Freitas to publish and was an especially important commentary on the disgraces of the systems that were meant to protect and help women in these situations but only ever really served to protect the abusers and their institutions The memoir discusses the long lasting effect that such horrifying events leave upon their victims and the difficulties with which victims consistently have in placing blame solely on those who have hurt themWhile it doesn t uite et into the intricacies and horrors of rape for consent does not begin with sex Consent does touch deeply on the intricacies of what we consent to and what we do not when we avoid in order to be polite and what we put up with because we are fearful of the things someone with power over our lives whether that power is over our jobs our futures our families or something else entirely can take or destroyFreitas abuser destroyed much in her life left her with a deep trauma that took years of therapy to manage and still has not been repaired No amount of retribution could really ever make up for the losses suffered on account of the fear and damage that such an event has on one s life So much ignorance exists around these subjects that I enuinely believe the existence of books that account these events have the very real potential to change the course of societal thought on toxic masculinity for what and why men feel entitled to ignore consent and coerce until they et what they wantWhile I would definitely recommend this book I will say that it could be traumatic for some and is one to seriously consider prior to reading as some bits may be rather triggering I received a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review Instagram Twitter Reader Fox Blog Bloglovin Facebook This memoir is complicated for me to review It tells a story of how the author s professor who was also a priest mentor and department chair chose and stalked his prey a young woman eager to learn There were several insights about harassment and abuse that I leaned from the book and I ve included those notes below But the book was difficult to read in part because of the content but mostly because the author drags out parts of the story and spends pages discussing a minute part of the story perhaps in an effort to make the book longer or to psychoanalyze the situation I do believe this "STORY NEEDS TO BE TOLD AND I M GRATEFUL "needs to be told and I m rateful Freitas chose to tell it Women and men should understand how harassment and stalking feel and know that they do have a voice Insights What they wanted was my voice Women s tongues are dangerous when they let us keep themI know that I should be capable of telling myself what I tell college students who ve been assaulted and harassed like I was "It s not your fault Don t blame yourself And yet I "s not your fault Don t blame yourself And yet I unable to convince myself of thisDeath of a treasured spot to me everywhere she and he went together or where he stalked herProfessor L knew the way to my heart Predators study preyHis attention made me feel specialYou begin to doubt your judgment about everything when your harasser doesn t accept no for an answer and continues to contrive ways to connect with you or when heshe turns the blame onto youProfessor L carefully calculated stalking behavior from the Fallen Angel: The Passion of Fausto Coppi getoI wanted to ive him a benefit of the doubt mostly because he was her mentor a priest respected in the school community and worldI did NOT consent No way But I kept my non consent to myself I was still too afraid to express my resistance openlyAnd I felt so ashamed I felt many kids of ashamedSaying no really saying it firmly was out of the uestion for a long long time until his behavior rew so intolerable and so out of control and so obsessive and unyielding that I no longer cared about my future or what might happen if I offended him Until I was so desperate and broken that I didn t want a future any at allI colluded with my stalker s behavior as a way of preserving my own sanity My initial consent as a way of preserving my own sanity My initial consent his behavior could not be ungiven This man would continue to see how I was in the beginning and refuse to see how I soon became once my feelings about his behavior shifted A shift occurred on the night my cover story had fallen apart Victims must own the power of naming what they re experiencingMandatory reporting is like being violated all over again It takes away the victim s voice and makes himher confront reality before heshe is readyI needed my own voiceTrauma is funny like that It helps a person bury something so deeply that they literally don t remember it s there until they do It shows up at strange timesReplace the word but with and because two seemingly opposing things can be held in tensionI am no longer afraid. T nagging voicemails He befriended her mother and made himself comfortable in her family's home He wouldn't o away While his attraction was not overtly sexual it was undeniably inappropriate and most importantly unwanted In Consent A Memoir of Unwanted Attention Donna Freitas delivers a forensic examination of the years she spent stalked by her professor and uses her nightmarish experience to examine the ways in which we stigmatize debate and attempt to understand consent today. ,

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First book in awhile to really provoke anger in me Although Freitas blunt memoir details the disruptive experiences that have caused her much anguish her undeniable skill as a writer especially pages 160 to 163 the hardcover edition where she brilliantly describes the problems that women can or will face when reporting sexual harassment stalking in the US make this a must read especially for a male audience She writes in a very straightforward manner that places the reader right alongside her in the recollectionsFreitas was a rad student in DC back in the 90 s an only child from a staunch Catholic middle class family in New England when she began receiving a troubling and inappropriate amount of attention from a respected senior professor in her field She refers to him as Father L as he is also an ordained priest She receives hundreds of phone calls answering machine messages and mailed letters from him at her apartment as well as many invitations to off campus activities He also seems to coincidentally be present in the hallways and stairwells in the periods between her classes and she catches him watching down "on her from his office window as well Eventually Father L even "her from his office window as well Eventually Father L even ingratiates himself to her family via phone calls and letters As this is years before the MeToo movement and the Catholic church abuse scandal any uesses to what doesn t happenThankfully while physical menace or sexual assault do not occur although sadly at one low point Freitas wished it would if only to successfully start the legal wheels turning in her favor Father L s stalking obsession still obviously causes all sorts of problems for her during schooling and then also for a post traumatic period in the years immediately afterwards While there were some ood people that helped Freitas it seemed often that others in positions of authority as well as the establishment failed her when she most needed their assistance Again Consent made me angry but it also illuminated the timely issue of harassment stalking in a very effective manner My thanks to Little Brown and Company for sending me an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review All opinions are my own and are not influenced by the publisher Consent was a difficult read in some respects it was difficult to see the author recount her trauma but than that it was difficult to think about the excuses she internally made for her stalker before things escalated out of control Most women have been there with varying degrees of severity Maybe he doesn t realize he s being inappropriate Maybe I m being overly sensitive and he s not actually being inappropriate at all Maybe I saiddidwore something that made him think this behavior would be welcomeThis memoir is a an engrossing exploration of blurry lines of consent and the harassers who rely on plausible deniability to et away with their behavior Donna Freitas was an enthusiastic student who loved etting to know her professors This is probably part of why it took her a while to see that her abuser s intentions were less than innocent But a large part of this was probably also due to the professor s intentionally chipping away at boundaries slowly so as to acclimate his target to his attentions By the time things escalated to the point that Freitas felt the need to et outside help she d already been in over her head for uite some time The memoir does an excellent job illuminating The Process Abusers Of All Sorts Often process abusers of all sorts often on those they target things start small and often escalate slowly all while the victim is uestioning whether they re crazy to feel uncomfortable at every step While this was at times an emotionally taxing read I definitely recommend it to fans of memoirs and feminist works The author s exploration of consent aslighting trauma and institutions that shield powerful men from conseuences are all important and timely You can read all of my reviews on my blog Jenna BookishFacebook Instagram Tumblr If you need another memoir of sexual harassment to make you resent even what university culture and the Catholic Church have done to women over the years this is the one to et your blood boiling You ll spend much of the second half of the book shaking your head in disbelief at what Freitas s raduate advisor who was also a priest did to her how the university and the church enabled him and how they cheated her out of the right to do anything about it Reader Fox Blog Consent by Donna Freitas is a rough book to read Detailing the account of a young woman pursuing a PhD in her early twenties as she is subjected to the unwanted attentions of a Professor in her program It is a very personal story to the author and yet it is a story that while some pieces are changed and some have come out worse than others many women in the world have experienced at one point or another Whether it is the case of a stalker as with Donna Freitas or sexual harassment that takes darker turns But what they all have in common and something I believe many people have a tendency to ignore downplay or forget is that they all leave a lasting and deeply traumatic effect on their subjectsReading the account of a woman who spent a large and rather important portion of Professor for than two years As a doctoral candidate Freitas loved asking big uestions challenging established theories and sinking her teeth into sacred texts She felt at home in the library and safe in the book lined offices of scholars whom she admired But during her first year one particular scholar became obsessed with Freitas' academic enthusiasm He filled her student mailbox with letters and articles He lurked on the sidewalk outside her apartment He called daily and lef.
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